Roger Drake is just your average gay, vampire, adopted son of Conservative MP, lazy, privileged, cocaine addicted, Cambridge educated and self-confessed ‘almost landed gentry for fuck’s sake’ but most importantly, sexually frustrated minor celebrity and struggling TV chef. Of course he would love to become the world’s most famous vampire so he can pocket the dosh, seduce his manager and see his overbearing mother projectile vomit with murderous jealousy but, obviously, with as little effort as un-humanly possible.

Will his politically incorrect adventures through the murky world of UK media land him his primetime cookery chat show on BBC 1 or will he be caught out by his lust for blood, cocaine, sex and money, his scurrilous immorality and the skeletons that spring out at him from various cupboards like some many unexploded cluster bombs in a Palestinian playground?